May 12, 2011


We numb vulnerability. Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick and we’re newly married. Initiating sex with my husband. Initiating sex with my wife. Being turned down. Asking someone out. Waiting for the doctor to call back. Getting laid-off. Laying-off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the way to deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

The problem is that we cannot selectively numb emotions. You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s the grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment, I don’t want to feel these. You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the affects, our emotions. We cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen. To love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror when we were wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” Just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And to believe we are enough.

Brene Brown

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