I saw a blog of a remote-but-felt-dear friend of mine about how we ought to express our regret and apology. Then I felt tempted to write few lines of my own thoughts.
Apology doesn’t stop at sorry. That’s what he talked about in his blog.
See, I agree to this statement whole-heartedly. However, my friend pinpoints the fact that we should make greater efforts to show our remorse. I look at this from a slightly different point of view.
Remember when we were little, and we would accidentally hit a kid on the playground? Our teachers would tell us: Say you’re sorry. And we would say it, but we wouldn’t mean it. But, as we get older, making amends isn’t so simple. As people, we make mistakes everyday. It’s inevitable and sometimes it’s tragic. We try to do things right and do the right things, doing whatever we can to avoid making mistakes. Thing is, we will always end up making some. And we should be grateful because we are still allowed to learn from them. We can’t undo our mistakes, and unfortunately, we rarely forgive ourselves for them. It’s a hazard of the trade. But, as human beings we can always try to do better. To be better. To right a wrong. To make it up to the wronged. Even when it feels irreversible. Even when it feels final.
Let me tell you, I’m sorry doesn’t always cut it. As we get older, you can’t just say it. You have to mean it. We are so used to the illusion that I’m sorry can erase all our mistakes. It doesn’t. We say I’m sorry in so many different ways. Sometimes, as a weapon. Most of the times, as an excuse. It’s all for the wrong reasons, and therefore, it means nothing. You saying sorry is NOTHING.
But, when we are really sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it, when our actions say what words never can, when we live up to it, when we get it right, I’m sorry is perfect. When we get it right, I’m sorry is redemption. It frees you, it gives you a new space to breathe in, it gives you the second chance. To do better. To be better. To right a wrong. To make it up to the wronged.
Use the word right, and you won’t have to live with the guilt.
I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. You lied, you cheated, and you stole. You stole people’s love for you and tossed it like a new toy no longer attractive in a child’s eye. You lied and tricked me into believing that you really needed help. You cheated my trust, and my last faith in you. You disappointed me over and over again, to a point I no longer can accept you as my friend. You are a toxin. You poison my life and I respectfully refuse to have you in my life ever again. You may have been one of my closest friends but something changed you. The neediness to be loved changes you into a beast who can easily hurt people just because you aren’t happy. You want to be loved. I get it. Who doesn’t? I don’t object to such natural desire. But what I have trouble with is your neediness to always be the spotlight in people’s lives. What I have trouble with is you having trouble to accept that you are not as important as you think you are. What I have trouble with is you having no trouble to dispose people’s love and affection just because they start to see you and your flaws.
You don’t get it, do you? When people see your flaws, it is when you and them merge into one. They become a part of your life, and you become a part in theirs. It’s a blessing, but yet you see it as a threat. You dispose them, and you find new affection. You trick new people to loving you just so you can dispose them again. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m just a person who can’t stand anymore being around a person who can so easily hurt other people. Maybe I’ve judged you too harshly, I’m sorry if I do, but I just can no longer see you depicting people’s mistakes and throwing them away. Maybe I will have my karma for closing my eyes for you and ignoring your inner self’s cries, but I can’t risk my sanity just to rescue you who don’t even want to be rescued. I know right now I’m not doing the noblest thing, but I’ll take my chances. All I know, I can’t be around a person like you. I can’t be around you.
Look, I won’t hurt you. I won’t cheat or steal from you. I won’t mislead you into a lie. You were once my friend, and I know you have your inner fears. I know you were hurt, and you are damaged. But friend, a lot of people are. Most people are. How come only you turn out to be the needy love-thirsty bitch who can care less about how people feel? How come only you turn out to be arrogant enough to acknowledge that other people are as struggling as you are, and you’re not the only one in this whole wide world with a miserable past?
So, let’s part ways. Live your life the way you want it, come to terms with your own life on your own time. Learn from your mistakes, which I hope would be in the hardest way possible considering how you’ve hurt people, and be better person for everyone’s sake. All in all, let’s no longer be in each other’s lives. It hasn’t been a real pleasure to meet you, but well, alright.
I always consider myself as a spiritual person but never as a religious person. I believe in God, in The Creator and I believe there’s a greater power above us all. I don’t really need a religion for that. Yes, I am a Catholic but I never want to rule my life with “rules of God” made by men. I think religion delivers a big possibility of misleading people into having blind faith. However, having said all these, I still respect them. I respect both religions and religious people. I think religions can definitely act as a medium for people to improve their spiritual life and provide people with a more organized way to praise their God. There’s nothing wrong with sending prayers. I send prayers to Mother Mary. I respect religion. But I think we’re making too big of a fuss out of it, and we let it control both our intelligence and our rationality.
Blind faith is something I despise a whole lot. Blind faith or faith without substance is very dangerous. At worst, it leads to extremism and bloodshed. At best, it is an opium people will turn to to escape their real problems. I think it’s really lame if people send prayers like, “God, please bless me with happiness.”or “God, please forgive my sins.” Seriously? I will be pissed off if I were God. And don’t you dare say, “God is never angry.” That will just prove my point on blind faith. Blind faith leads people into becoming passive mortals who are not taking responsibilities for their actions. We are responsible for our own doing and for what happens in our lives. There’s no way to turn to God just because you’re having a hellish day or just because you want to be happy. You need to get on your feet and make the most of your life. You need to find out the reason why you’re here at the first place and actually make some people’s lives better with your existence. Don’t ask for happiness. Create happiness. And think for yourself instead of using God as a scapegoat for whatever happens in your life. The way I see it is: God gives you a brain. Use it.
That’s why I never get it when people say “I love God.” Do you really believe you love something that you can’t see and you can’t touch? You sure it’s not just a reassuring thought you create in your mind so you will be ‘saved’ when you die? Many religious people claim they love God and follow all the rules obediently. Subsequently, that’s all they do. Obeying the rules. Well, I have been in love before. Love is not just a feeling. There’s responsibility attached to it. I believe that when you love someone, you try to love everything he or she loves and accept those things as a part of your life. So if God loves the people, and if you love God, why should you spend your whole time obeying the rules? You don’t love God by obeying the rules. You are doing it out of fear. Out of fear that you won’t be saved after you die and all those other things. If you love God, you should be out there, loving the people. That’s the point. And you should do it, you should love other people because that’s the right thing to do, not only because you want to be put in heaven or collect good deeds to save your own ass when you die.
At this point, some of you might ask me: Do I believe in faith? I do. I have faith in lots of other things. I have faith in humankind and humanity. I believe that humans are capable to do beyond their imagination, be it bad or good. I believe men can go great lengths to create a better world if they want and I believe they can also do the unimaginable bad things. I believe people can come out from their greatest sorrows and conquer their greatest fear if they want to. Now, many view faith as something unquestionable. I partially agree. Faith doesn’t come with reasons. You just believe in something and you can’t really explain it. But to me, doubt is an inseparable part of faith. To truly have faith, you have to doubt first. You have to challenge your faith; constantly beat it with questions as far as your intelligence allows. If it prevails, then it is really yours. To me, doubting my faith with my intelligence is my way to strengthen it. To me, doubting my religion is my way to connect more deeply to the divine power in my life.
I am a pencil that He uses to write stories of life with.
I am somebody, and I better do my job as best as I could.
Nicole Melita, I Wrote This Myself
Nicole Melita, I Wrote This Myself
Nicole Melita, I Wrote This Myself
We often talk about you wanting to quit treating me like shit. I don’t like the shit, but I love you enough to take your shit. So, keep on quitting.
I’ll bear your shit until you succeed.