I'm just an ordinary girl.
A delightfully dysfunctional individual who is filled with curiosity.
And since I'm not a cat, it's not dangerous.
Nicole Melita
Today, I know I’m not over you yet cos if I could come to where you are to say how I feel, I so damn would. But I couldn’t, so I wouldn’t.
The man of my dreams has almost faded now. The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man each woman dreams of, in the deepest and most secret reaches of her heart. I can almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? “Forgive me. I have never known this feeling. I have lived without it all my life. Is it any wonder then, I failed to recognize you? You, who brought it to me for the first time. Is there any way that I can tell you how my life has changed? Any way at all to let you know what sweetness you have given me? There is so much to say. I cannot find the words. Except for these, “I love you.” Such would I say to him if he were really here.
A man is not afraid to dream and do what it takes to get them. A man treats his dream as the center of his life and kick any problems slowing the process on the butt. He cringes at the thought that college were “the best years of his life.” Because the best years of his life are always ahead of him. I know a man like this, and I know he’s a real man. How do I know? Let me tell you how.
1. He earns his right to be lazy.
2. He understands that tears aren’t weakness. That’s just how courage sheds excess water weight.
3. He will brave a hailstorm of Biblical proportions to buy me tampons. In fact, soaking wet, he will stride up to the counter at the all-night drug store and boldly slam the box of “heavy flow”.
4. When he’s wrong, he says he’s wrong.
5. He sings. He paints. He cooks. He beats drum. He, without any hesitation, will punch any guy who disrespects me.
6. He will never stab a rival in the back. He’ll look them in the eye, coolly tell them what’s coming and stab them in the face.
7. He hugs me like he’s my own, personal bungee cord harness. A bear hug is an elementary joke compared to the way he hugs.
8. He cares for people more than he wants to show the world, behind that thick beard and grumpy-looking expression which people usually feel afraid of.
9. Every time he says “I love you,” it sounds like a revelation, a promise, and a poem all at once.
10. My procrastinating, overly-pestering, insecure self still motivates him because he knows those things aren’t everything about me.
11. His kisses are as goofy as his shades-wearing rubber duck and his Superman figure sitting on his medication shelf.
12. He knows when to play, and when to get shit done. He can ice a bro, but then takes care of business.
13. He knows how to make love to my divine flesh.
14. The last slice of pizza will be mine. Always. Right?
15. He is proud of me. Because my victories are his.
And most importantly, it’s not about how much he cares for me or how much he loves me that makes him a real man. It’s how much he knows his stuff and how well he gets them together. It’s how after all the tough years he has been through, he still stands here today and struggles for better things. He tries. I know a man, and he’s a real man.
Happy birthday.
You introduced me to a lot of beautiful things. Today is when I appreciate them by sharing some of them to the world. Happy Valentine’s Day.
I Wrote This For HimIf you were here, you’d see how much I need your help on Christmas shopping.
If you were here, you’d see the smiles your presence will bring to my days.
If you were here, you’d see what kinds of things I try to be there for you.
If you were here, you’d see the sleeping problems I’ve been having.
If you were here, you’d see my fear every time I step out of the house.
If you were here, you’d see my trauma using the public transportation.
If you were here, you’d see how hard I am trying to run all agendas.
If you were here, you’d see the kind of book I read to my students.
If you were here, you’d see how I try to start reading a book again.
If you were here, you’d see how reading a book is my means to keep my sanity.
If you were here, you’d see how my soul is losing light.
If you were here, you’d see how I’d love a boost of spirit to fight.
If you were here, you’d see that we can create a backup plan.
If you were here, you’d see that I’d love to start again.
So please be here.
You took a chance when you decided to love me. You wore your heart on your sleeve, knowing that loving me would make you vulnerable. There would be sacrifices made, there would be hoping for the unknown involved, and there would be tears and fears. You took a chance, a leap of faith, and battled your way into happiness. The happy smiles you give me everyday show me how happy you are having made that decision. Your eyes sparkle at our dearest times together and make me realize I made the right decision to embrace your leap of faith. I never regretted my decision loving you. I think you deserve a chance to be happy and although I am not sure until this second about my ability to make it happen, I am taking my chance, too.
